MAZAL TOV! 

On Thursday, the 25th of Ader II, April 4th 2024, Chana and Yanky are getting married!

Marriage carries two people down a path of love, intimacy, humility and oneness. It is a sacred bond and a reciprocal fulfillment.

Looking through our millennia-old Torah lens, marriage creates a fundamental change for these two individuals. Something cosmic. It is a fusion of two souls into one.

And so it was from the very first marriage recorded in the Torah. It was a big day for the bride and groom, their wedding day. Actually, as days go, it was their only day so far; they knew of no other. The bride and groom were Adam and Eve and they had just been created that day.
Adam was created first. Adam – which means “human” – was androgynous, both male and female in one body. Adam was a complete human being, perfect, and totally self-sufficient, with the strengths and attributes of both femininity and masculinity.

G-d then said, “From this state of oneness, I will now separate Adam into two. It’s not good for a human being to be so self-sufficient; such overwhelming self-reliance can very easily lead to self-centeredness. Human beings should need each other and be sustained by each other. I will take a side of Adam and form Eve.”

And so, from one, came two. But G-d was not finished. He had two fully-formed individuals who were, inherently, two halves of one whole. They needed each other to achieve true wholeness. They were to be reunited in a wedding. The guest list: Every living creature. Animals and birds joined in song; a finer band was never had! The food and decor was all that nature could offer. And the wedding-Officiator was G-d Himself. G-d took two, and re-made one.
 

As Adam and Eve stood beside each other, they were taught a very important lesson. “You are each an individual; at the same time, you are a unit. Together, you complete yourself and each other. The love you feel for each other stems from this natural tendency to be one. Because oneness is your innate reality.

Adam and Eve are the prototype of us all. Our mystics teach that, prior to conception and birth, spouse’s souls are bound to one another; they are ‘soul mates’. With their respective births, the two are split and invested into different bodies. When we find our “destined one” (bashert), the souls can fuse back together and become a single entity again through marriage.

SHIDDUCH (Match)

For Chana and Yanky, the process of finding their “bashert” (destined one) was through a Shadchan - a Matchmaker - who felt that they were compatible and suggested that they meet.

Chana and Yanky got to know each other, and eventually felt ready to join in marriage. They shared values, interests, goals and they had good “chemistry”; they wanted to start a life together.

PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

During their ENGAGEMENT PERIOD, Chana & Yanky obviously put a lot of time and energy into wedding plans – the hall, invitations, the flowers, the gown, etc. But there is another vital element to their preparations. Chana and Yanky invest themselves in the spiritual foundation of their new life together.

They study intensely, reading texts that explore the dynamics of marriage. They digest the Torah laws of marital intimacy, a framework that helps keep their marriage fresh for the decades to come G-d willing, and transforms sensual pleasure into a conduit for soul-bonding. 

For THE WEEK BEFORE the wedding Chana and Yanky will neither see nor speak to one another. This time buffer, reinforces their sense that the wedding is a new beginning; they are closing the era of ‘two-ness’, and entering, at the wedding, their pre-ordained state of ‘oneness’.

The celebrations begin on THE SHABBOS PRECEDING the wedding day. Chana's friends and family will gather together at a Shabbos Kallah (the Bride’s Shabbat), enveloping her with rejoicing and friendship.

Yanky will be called to the Torah (an Aliya), signaling his acknowledgment that the Torah will be the source of inspiration and guidance in their married life. The congregation will shower him with candies, symbolic of their wishes for a sweet and fruitful marriage. This is traditionally known as an aufruf (Yiddish for ‘called up to the Torah’].

 

THE WEDDING DAY

The wedding day is like a personal Yom Kippur for the bride and the groom. Yom Kippur is a day of introspection, cleansing and actualizing our best selves; this is also the motif of one’s wedding day.

 

So, in addition to dressing up and preparing physically, Chana and Yanky spend the day in prayer, including reciting Yom Kippur-specific prayers like the ‘confessional’. They fast (until after the ceremony) to achieve a clean slate for this new chapter of their lives.

They pray that their new life together will evolve from a pure and fresh beginning. The bride’s white gown and the white kittel (robe) worn by the groom under the chuppah, symbolize this purity and spiritual cleanliness.
 

The wedding opens with a Kabalat Panim reception, “GREETING THE BRIDE AND GROOM”, where relatives and friends offer heartfelt wishes. As mentioned, Chana and Yanky have had a week of separation prior to their wedding. This is still in effect at the reception so there are separate gatherings for the bride and the groom.

The following takes place during the reception:

The Kesubah, the JEWISH MARRIAGE CONTRACT, is written and signed by two witnesses; the Kesubah will be read aloud at the Chuppah ceremony.

The text of the kesubah was conceived millennia ago, with the primary purpose of protecting the finances and emotional wellbeing of a married woman. In ancient times, if something happened to a marriage (specifically divorce or death of the husband), the husband or his family could simply absorb the entire estate, leaving the wife, and possibly children, with nothing. Such practices contradict the Torah’s sense of righteousness; the Kesubah – revolutionary at the time – protects against such conduct.

 

The Kesubah’s protection began from the point of a woman’s betrothal, at which point the two sets of parents signed a document known as the Tenaim, which specified the date and financial conditions of the forthcoming marriage (which could be years away). In modern times, the signing of the Tenaim is largely ceremonial and is done at the same time as the Kesubah.

 

During this part of the ceremony Chana and Yanky's mothers will jointly break a plate, signifying that the marriage should be as irreversible as the shattering of the dish. Upon the completion of the signing of the two legal documents, the bride and groom are now ready to
emotionally prepare themselves for the chuppah ceremony.

 

The music shifts from lively and upbeat, to a slow, intense Chassidic melody in preparation for a ma’amar (a Chassidic discourse) which Yanky will now recite. This discourse, recited in Yiddish, begins with the words, L’cha Dodi (“Come, my beloved,”) and discusses the beauty of the husband/wife relationship and the spiritual significance of a wedding.

 

The previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneerson, originally delivered this talk in 1929, at the marriage of his daughter, Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka, to the Rebbe; the version that Yanky will recite was recited by the Rebbe himself.

Yanky will now be escorted to Chana for the badeken, the TRADITIONAL VEILING of the bride’s face. Reflecting the holiness of the moment, he will be accompanied by the singing of a solemn niggun (Chassidic melody) which contains musical allusions to higher spiritual realms. CLICK HERE to hear this stirring melody.

The mood is one of awe. Yanky covers Chana’s face. The veil will be opaque; the bride can neither see nor be seen, providing her with complete privacy at this very intimate moment in her life. By covering the bride’s face, the groom is making a statement: “As beautiful as you are, my love for you is not skin-deep. It is values-deep. It is your true beauty—your persona, your character, your views on life—that has captured my heart.”

The veiling delivers another important statement from one to the other: “We are marrying what we see, but we are also marrying what we don’t yet see. We love what we know and what we are aware of, but we recognize that we are also marrying the parts that are presently hidden from each other, and even to ourselves. We are determined to love these parts as well, and to learn to understand how they are also an integral part of our growth. Marriage will take work, hard work. But we approach this with the firm conviction that each of us is half of our mutual soul.”

Under her veil, the bride is praying – for her relationship, for her future home and for her personal growth. She is also praying for our community and friends. (Chana and Yanky would be honored to INCLUDE ANY NAMES that you would like to send to them.)

The bride then receives blessings from her father, father-in-law and grandparents. Each places his hands over her head and – in the privacy of his own heart – prays for the new couple.
The bride and the groom then each go to their separate rooms to begin their respective CHUPPAH preparations, while everyone else proceeds to the site of the chuppah. It is under the chuppah’s canopy that the actual nuptials will take place.

 

THE CHUPPAH - CEREMONY
 
The chuppah ceremony is composed of two distinct and successive parts: kiddushin and nissuin (neither word has an accurate counterpart in English). Kiddushin, from the word kodesh, means ‘holy’ or ‘set apart’, effects a change in personal status: the recipient of kiddushin goes from being single, to being ‘set apart’ and accepts that all other people – aside from their intended – are off-limits. Nisuin, the second stage of marriage, is the act of finalizing the fusion of these two half-souls into one. [Historically, there was often at least a month between the two events, but in modern marriages, the two are combined as a single wedding
ceremony.]

In preparation for the chuppah ceremony, the bride takes off her jewelry, while the groom empties his pockets, undoes his tie and unties his shoelaces. The symbolism is rich: Their mutual commitment is based on who they are as people, not on any material considerations. He is not marrying her for her physical beauty or external jewels. She is not marrying him for the money in his pockets. He comes to her unbound, with no ties, with no connection to anyone or anything but to her and their commitment to each other.

The ceremony takes place under the open sky, under a chuppah (literally meaning ‘canopy’). The chuppah has no walls and is open on all sides. This points to a conceptual picture of the
couple’s future home: a home of openness of heart and spirit.

The chuppah’s construction – a tapestry spread over four poles – is basic: What makes a home happy is not its sturdy walls, nor the exquisite decorations, but the mindset that fills it. Better a simple home full of love and commitment than a glamorous mansion without it.

Spiritually, the chuppah also represents the Divine presence, the heavenly energy that is hovering above the couple at this special moment of union. Thus, Chana's and Yanky's ceremony will be outdoors, with the chuppah directly under the open sky, bringing heaven down to earth, as they elevate themselves to greater heights.

Under the chuppah, the groom, wearing a white kittel (traditional robe), awaits his bride… He had been escorted by his father and father-in-law who had each been carrying a candle, symbolizing the hope that their new home be filled with light.

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Now, the bride, accompanied by her mother and the mother of her groom (also each holding a candle), enter the chuppah‘s embrace. They proceed to ENCIRCLE THE GROOM SEVEN TIMES. With each circle, the bride is building a protective, psycho-spiritual ‘wall’ around her future husband and household. Each circle strengthens the protection with an additional layer.

 

The number seven – reflecting a complete unit of time, a full week – represents the full spectrum of rhythms, twists and turns that life brings. By encircling her groom seven times, the bride is expressing her commitment to him and to their relationship under any and all circumstances. In a circle there is no beginning and no end, reflecting the couple’s eternal commitment to each other and to G-d. Additionally, a circles sides are all equidistant from its center, symbolizing perfect harmony.

The bride and groom stand beside each other, facing east, towards Jerusalem, as the cantor welcomes them with a poetic blessing. The officiating rabbi (Chana's paternal grandfather) opens the ceremony by RECITING A BLESSING over a cup of wine, and another one thanking G-d for the gift of sacred union of marriage. Chana and Yanky each drink from the cup of wine to remind themselves that they will share together for the rest of their lives.

Jewish tradition teaches that the souls of a bride’s and groom’s ancestors are present with them under the chuppah. In that vein, we invite the Lubavitcher Rebbe of righteous memory to Chana and Yanky's chupah by reading the TRADITIONAL LETTER OF GREETING that the Rebbe would send to brides and grooms.

Now, Yanky gives Chana something of material value, a GOLD RING, which gives him the opportunity to metaphorically encircle Chana, just as she did at the opening of the chuppah. Yanky places the ring on Chana's right index finger – the right side represents love, generosity and kindness – and says: “Harei At Mekudeshes Li Btabaas Zo Kedas Moshe V'Yisrael - Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel.”

The ring is a simple gold band, with no engravings or adornments. The simplicity symbolizes an unspoken prayer: “Just as the ring is simple, so too, may our marriage be one of simple beauty, free from complications, strife or conflict.”

The giving and receiving of the ring concludes the first section of the chuppah ceremony. As a transition into the second part, the KETUBAH IS READ ALOUD. Yanky will hand the marriage contract to Chana who will now hold it in her possession for posterity. Thus begins the second part of the chuppah ceremony.

Over another cup of wine, SEVEN BLESSINGS, Sheva Brachot, are recited. Just as wine gets better with time, we pray that their passion for each other grows only stronger. The blessings, recited by honored guests, are marriage-themed and include short prayers for a newlywed couple. The final blessing petitions G-d to grant the couple joy, happiness, cheer, love, harmony, peace, and companionship in their lives together. Again, the bride and groom each take a sip of wine and Chana and Yanky are now husband and wife!

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Right before they celebrate with each other, and with their guests, Yanky BREAKS A GLASS under his foot. This tradition was enacted two millennia ago, after the destruction of the Holy Temple and the Jewish Commonwealth; the shattered glass represents the suffering that occurred then and the suffering that still occurs today. While our bride and groom are in a state of complete happiness, we as a people, as a world, are not in such a state. Even in
our joy we must never lose sight that it is our responsibility to create a world where all can rejoice.

After the glass is broken, there are shouts of “Mazal Tov!” and celebratory music begins. The bride and groom – now husband and wife – are escorted from their chuppah, amid singing and dancing, to a PRIVATE ROOM where they spend their first moments of married life alone together. Yichud is a time for them to connect in private, before they join everyone at the reception.

 

DINNER & DANCING

As with most Jewish celebrations and life cycle events, a FEAST honors the occasion. At this Seudat Mitzvah meal, all of the guests participate in the mitzvah of rejoicing with the bride and groom. In accordance with Chassidic tradition, men and women dine and dance
separately, with a partition (mechitza).

One might notice that, for the first course, the bride and groom are nowhere to be seen! Since this is their first opportunity to take photographs as husband and wife, their entrance into the
ballroom is somewhat delayed. Guest, please take this time to enjoy the first course and to socialize. Because soon, when Chana and Yanky enter, energetic dancing will overtake the
room! The guests surround the bride and the groom with SPIRITED DANCING. The communal celebration vividly expresses the collective support they will have in their new life together.

The meal is culminated, of course, with the Grace After Meals, which includes the addition of the Seven Blessings that were recited under the chuppah.

AFTER THE WEDDING

Jewish custom has the couple begin the first week of their new life together in the embrace of their families and community. For the week following the wedding, it is customary for friends or relatives host festive meals each day in the new couple’s honor. These festive meals, which includes the recitation of the Seven Blessings as part of the Grace After Meals, is referred to as “Sheva Brachos”.

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Thank you so much for being part of our lives and our wedding!